Luke 12:19 Eat, Drink and Be Merry
I am not one for often quoting gospels from the bible. But, one happened to dovetail with a lesson learned as I formulated my thoughts for 2015……….
We just finished the season of Secret Santas and Surprises. Who doesn’t love the delight of opening a gift when they have absolutely no idea of what it is? Often we so undervalue that moment of shear delight – of peaking into a little paper sack or box and embracing the senses that are heightened between that instant of suspense and of discovery. Ironically, stepping in right behind this is the season of resolutions. We go from the days of delightful surprises to the onerous task of thinking about all of our frailties, faults and foibles and making a list of how to improve ourselves and our lives…….. Hmmmm. I find the juxtaposition of these two scenes a little disconcerting.
What does 2015 hold for you? Better yet, what do you want 2015 to be for you? I bet food has a place in most people’s resolutions. But, how about your outlook? How about considering widening the scope of acceptable indulgences – so that you can more fully enjoy all that life has to offer? Do you need to do this? I found that I did………….
Ahhhh, discovery. It is immensely powerful in its potential for revelation. I am dedicating 2015 to the Power of Relevation, and working to embrace the life-enhancing powers of shameless indulgence and unbridled merriment. Why? Read on.
All along the continuum of my own little life, I received tons of subliminal messages: work hard, don’t crack, push forward, be stoic, do the right thing, be a good person, self sacrifice, and control as much as possible from slipping through the cracks into chaos. Yikes.
We all become conditioned by the circumstances of our lives, don’t we? Messages translate into behaviors. Some are definitely good, some not so good. Some of these messages came via my religious education. Some came via my route into survival mode. It’s no wonder then, that I grew up into a person who, when I laughed out loud or acted silly – as in having actual fun, I gave my own kids the impression that I had had too much to drink when I had not. Even something as mundane but freeing as diving into a resort pool and swimming backstroke laps seemed to them out of character for me. I found this totally deflating. But, as I look at it, I guess I am not too surprised. They had always seen me as the uber responsible and reliable person I had become and all too often void of anything that would remotely read as fun/silly on the emotion register. How terribly sad. Worse yet, I worried that I had become the worst possible example for them to emote their own unbridled life – exactly the opposite of what I wished and hoped for them. But, lessons learned, thankfully, have continued.
I began to entertain this treading into a fully embraceable territory of shameless indulgence and unbridled merriment last year as I was introduced to Laura Silverman’s blog, Glutton for Life (www.gluttonforlife.com). Coming from her own past, and sadly the loss of her husband, her messages echoed the feelings of searching – for the giddiness and unbridled joy I had begun to feel emanating up from the cobbles of Rome, Taormina, Positano, Florence, Venice, Paris, and more. Even as I had these sensations coming, I found their degree to be unexpected and nearly unknown and felt a little bit wary. And worse, a little bit guilty. But, I liked them, and here was Laura, fully endorsing them – even celebrating them, and I was intrigued, and, yes, inspired. I wondered aloud where this idea had been for most of my life. And, back at the time of my happy travels, when I went home, I stuffed all those feelings back into their little box as if they were something to save for the next time. But, did I want to do this any longer?
Last Fall, I visited Hyde Park with a friend of mine. After our tour, when we stepped into the garden and I saw the last of their autumn flower display in all its brilliance and the monarch butterflies gleefully floating about, I became enraptured and ran about with my camera. I could tell my friend was unfamiliar with this side of me and, in fact was surprised at my instinctive display of exuberance. I had let out of the bag the side of me that not many ever saw or knew. This feeling registered with me, didn’t bother me but went back into the bag when we got into the car for the drive home.
When I happened upon Laura’s blog and skimmed through her story, a seed was further planted. Wait a minute! As I further considered my blog last week, (An Antidote in the Hand is Worth Two in the Bush 12/31/14) I considered perhaps an even broader interpretation of the antidote theory. Was it reflecting just how much I had suppressed so much of my real self into a little narrow sliver of self-acceptance and indulgence without guilt? Worse, had that narrow sliver ever reflected who I really was? In fact, had my real self gone elsewhere long ago and was now unapologetically surging out of the ground like those little snow drops? As I realized this, I kind of felt a little like The Three Faces of Eve, only in a good way!
Life certainly presents us with extraordinary moments. Self-recognition and true self-acceptance is quite the remarkable thing. As I gaze about me I can see that I have endeavored to surround myself with things I feel are beautiful. They inspire me and make me feel happy and comfortable. Flowers, and natural beauty do this as well. Great art and cities do this. Food does. And yet, I systematically compartmentalized them into things rather than to embrace them into my own person.
As I wandered onto the page of Paula Tavormina (isn’t that just the best name?) yesterday, at the suggestion of another of Laura Silverman’s posts, I had another ah-ha moment. For me, surrounding oneself with beauty and wonder is fruitful, pleasing and blessing. Combining beautiful fruit and food and turning them into art is the very definition of happiness as we can see in Paula’s work. With talented people like these as inspiration, I hope to find more of my own place, voice and joy.
And so, my own big resolution for 2015 will involve letting that shameless self-indulgence and unbridled merriment genie out the bottle, once and for all, and to re-balance my own self to keep what I have to do but have the other side blossom out, too. This will help me not become some old crabby dolt, and to show my own kids that I can have fun, be silly and still be their own reliable, responsible Mom.
And so, in 2015, I plan to, rather surprisingly, consider the gospel according to Luke in my New Year. Eat, Drink and Be Merry! I will cook, bake, create, photograph, wander, learn and indulge (with judgment, of course) but without guilt, believing in the power of treating myself well and being merry in pursuit of my own beneficial health and happiness.
My family may take awhile to get used to this me, and maybe I will, too. But, as with that last page of the calendar, there’s no turning back now.