Forgetting What You Know; How EO Crawls into Your Heart

maybe it’s the air

Maybe it’s just age……… Maybe, it’s some kind of inertia. I know partly it is not wanting to leave my garden in NJ……….

My recently adopted serious case of Euro-centric wanderlust has caused me a great deal of angst about where to spend my time. I have to admit that many a day I dream of being in Provence or Tuscany or anywhere in Italy or France. I have a great deal of readily identifiable organic “need” to be there at this stage in my life, for some known and unknown reasons. And so, I have, at many times felt that if I had to choose between my life here in the states and one in Europe, I’d pick, well Europe.

I have tried to convince myself that this is just a yearning that once satisfied will recede into the background and I will return to my “old self”, happily domiciling around the east coast of the US. But, I know in my heart, as posted last week by BuzzFeed – the 39 Reasons Why Studying Abroad in Italy Will Ruin You For Life http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjkiebus/reasons-studying-abroad-in-italy-ruins-you-for-life, that, in fact I have in fact, been ruined. Totally true. Lucky for me, I have this little spot in East Orleans, that, once I push myself out the door and into the car and onto the highway, will, in 5.5 hours or so serve to refresh, if not temporarily dissuade me.

I had not been here since last August 31. I am not a person who likes to go back and forth a lot between NJ and MA. I like to “plant” myself – pun intended. I need to stay and nest – I am a nester. When I walk into either home and survey the house and yard, I immediately make a mental list of the 100 or so things which need to be fixed – and right away – before I can sit down. Things need to be cleaned, fixed, trimmed, freshened. The windows need to be opened, cobwebs removed. Flowers arranged in and out – and immediately. There is an aura that needs to be restored.

Yesterday, I felt the drive was long. As I trundled along 95, past tractor-trailor after tractor-trailer in the light rain, I felt conflicted. Once I got to northern Connecticut, the sky cleared out and as Christin snoozed next to me and Kit in the back seat, I found myself enjoying the billowing clouds and crystal blue skies that you don’t see in NJ. The air began to change and that unmistakable aura of being nearer to the water crept in.

Did I want to go or was I going out of obligation? I knew I needed to check on a few projects at the house and see the yard, but I wasn’t sure that my heart was in it. I had entertained so many other agendas for this Summer – the yesses and nos along the way – looking at a week class in Provence and a month one in Paris. And then, of course Nancy Harmon Jenkins and David Lebovitz’s meanderings about Italy were making me totally jealous.

I got into the house and it was hot and stuffy. Windows were thrown open; mandatory immediate trips to grocery and hardware stores to claim replacements for broken items. Dinner secured. (A big cranky fit). And then, right after dinner I said to Christin, “do you want to go to Sundae School”? I knew she would. It wasn’t that I wanted an ice cream, it was that I knew that it was her heart’s delight.

One turn along Hayward Lane and then I saw it – the glow and glisten of the impending sunset on Nauset Marine

and, it happened – my heart melted and I was smitten again. In an instant, I felt the pull – as insistent as the tides. It affixed itself as a barnacle would to the dock. I was ok. I came, I saw and my resistant psyche, felt. I was home again. More importantly though, I felt attached to this home like I felt attached to a slightly feverish child……….. This house, this yard deserves to be tended to, to be nourished and pampered. Job taken.

Yes, things may look a little shabby after 10 months, but, I think I’ll stay awhile, and nourish this place, and in the process, myself………..

First Draft Photos: