photo courtesy Roseann Tully
Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. We all know this. And, we spend an incredible amount of time, thought and industry in creating ways to honor and enshrine the contributions of our Moms to us, our lives, the world around us and to how we view the way we do or don’t want to execute this performance in the next generation. Even if they are no longer with us, we devote much sentiment to their memories.
Moms are known and well-regarded for their seemingly tireless efforts, no matter how humble or extravagant their circumstances. This runs the gamut from the early months of infancy in diaper duty to getting kids on the bus and all the way through getting them into college and/or their adulthood vocations. A Mom’s contributions to personhood-formation can’t be underestimated, can they? There are millions upon millions of decisions she makes that will shape your life. And yet, throughout our lifetimes, the “job” of motherhood has been sometimes diminished, ridiculed and pigeon-holed into something lifeless, soulless and some cumbersome existence ruled by mundane and dutiful tasks.
I say, that upon looking back, I’d like to honor my Mom and Moms in general for a whole lot more…….
Gone are the days, when I was growing up, that we watched the icon-Moms vacuuming in their shapely well-pressed shirtdresses and a strand of pearls – a la Donna Reed and Barbara Billingsley. Don’t know who they are? Try Google. No sweat or yoga pants to be found. In my lifetime, we have gone from the housewives of the 50s, who had limited exposure to substantive opportunities outside the home, even if they did attend college, through the 60s era and burn-the-bra rebellions to the 70s and Affirmative Action in the corporate structure, where even I, struggled with the decision to leave corporate America and to stay at home, and through to today, when women can endeavor to do anything they want to do.
I’d like to highlight here, and in honor of tomorrow’s holiday, my perception of the true nature of the unlimited power of the American Mom. For, in addition to the basic food and roof-providing endeavors, including nurturing, coddling, inspiring, holding, pushing, coaching, and seeking to cause thoughtfulness and self-directedness, Moms drive the decisions which move our society, the character of its people and economy forward.
But, perhaps most profoundly and under-estimatedly (is that a word?), as we scan the landscape, we can see the unlimited power of Mom in the home-keeping genré. This is a subject of much controversy in how it is perceived. Our Moms, for better or for worse, have created for us our very own immovable image of that age-old adage of “hearth and home” – the place where we crawl into bed at night, how we feel when we are there, what we do when we wake up in the morning, our first hello and morsel of food we put into our mouths, the environment in which we brush our teeth, shower, dress, dine, shove off to school, work, or wherever and then return to – for regular days, days when we are ill or sad, holidays, milestones and those movements-on times of life. The hard-wired memories of these times, big and small, are what Mom is all about and her role in the formation of these memories is what contributes to my vision of the “unlimited power of the American Mom”.
In addition to having the potential to be the ultimate homemaker and tastemaker, our Moms have and do drive so many of the major decisions made in our lives – hopefully with a light, tender, loving and healthy touch. But, tangentially, they also direct so many of the ultimate economic decisions in our early lifetimes and basically, I’d say, are the drivers of a huge portion of the economy – a huge force to be understood, respected and reckoned with.
Just tune into the newspaper – online or otherwise or CNBC or the nightly news. Who are the drivers of the ultimate decisions made in major segments of many markets in this country? Consider the power of the following: the real estate market, the decisions to buy food and groceries, furniture and decorative items, a sketch or painting, a vase or rolling pin, pots, pans, platters, flower garden additions, clothing, media, cars, sporting equipment and lessons, vacations and summer camps, just to mention a few. In the “homemaking” genré, Moms decide upon much, either directly or indirectly and their power in the marketplace is the stuff of intense and intimate study by huge corporations throughout the country and the world – to see where and how each and every dollar of disposable income is spent by the Mom-segment of the market. Corporations such as Home Depot and every iteration of it and all its offshoots, big and small, basic and sophisticated, from the local card shop or UPS Store to the open house of college placement people, and of the overall homemaking retail environment owe to Moms their very fundamental existence and survival.
Mom’s position often makes the decision, or is the driving force behind, Cheerios or Yogurt, peanut butter and jelly, tvs and computers, washers and dryers, do you want to live in Summit, Basking Ridge, Bay Ridge or Manhattan, Omaha or Oahu, where should you go to school, how should you think about your college selection, who are your teachers and religious references, do you want drapes or shades, are your sheets soft or scratchy, do your clothes look and smell clean, has the car been serviced, do you need an SUV for the carpool, is the Christmas tree well-selected and decorated, did the little packages under it cause the gone-for reaction, do I get cupcakes for my birthday, what’s for dinner and on and on and on…………. Just think about it. Moms have the power to influence our lives in unlimited ways – and the results of their decisions, impact us in the very smallest and very largest of ways. Is there any way to measure this?
Homekeeping is very much about the aesthetic and emotional outcome of the nesting instinct, one of the most fundamentally powerful and culturally-driven of energy forces. And, it is about big business – just ask Martha. She knows. She, among countless others, in advertising and retail, with watchful eye and the instincts of a hawk, try to hone in on exactly what I’m talking about – the unlimited power of the American Mom to execute her “duties” mandatory and discretionary, with the well-developed and expanded eye toward making the making of a home a source of unlimited comfort, both emotionally and physically and to enhance each and every little element of what this means in terms of current moment and carry-forward effect. To me, that’s the meaning of power. Do we really realize all this?
There is much to be gotten from thinking about this. Being a Mom can be looked upon as being mundane, yes it can – and at times, it is. However, when you realize the power of what you are doing over the long run, in terms of trying to nuture and shape the next generation of people coming along the road, through the environment you create for them and how tomorrow, you look upon yesterday and all yesterdays since you can remember – well, Moms are in the driver’s seat. Being a homemaker is akin to creating a universe for the people who live in it. It can be thought of as every notch on the spectrum – from the visual appeal, the functional effectiveness, the overall aesthetic snapshot of one’s formative years. Who you are is in such a large way because of your Mom – whether you willfully accepted her influence and folded it into how you do things every day, adapted part of her examples here and there, or in some cases rejected what she did and used her model to help shape how you did want to do things differently when you got the chance.
And so, to those Moms who may get disillusioned from time to time, or whose memories aren’t all Champagne and Roses, I say to you, scan the landscape, and consider the value of what your Mom did for you, remember all her good qualities and the decisions she made in your best interest, and how she strove to show her love and devotion in every way she could. Even if what you took away was totally contrary to what she did, what she did helped shape this.
Next time you see that robin’s nest with those little blue eggs in it, stop and consider what that mother robin has to do. She’ll carefully but instinctively construct that nest, weaving the twigs and sticks into a womb of protection, bring forth her young into the world, fly in and out for days to feed and nuture them and then, in just a few short weeks, nudge them out of the nest……… Some will thrive and some may not. But, that Mom’s instincts to build something meaningful and functional were fundamental and were the very combination of instinct and emotion on some level to do her very best.
In my humble opinion, there is no other earthly power such as this……….