image courtesy Wikipedia.org
Thank you to René Descartes, who in 1637 wrote the phrase, “I think, therefore I am”. I won’t go into all the background, philosophical and otherwise on this but, you know this famous stuff, right? Suffice it to say, that on days like today when it’s (unexpectedly) raining steadily, I get to wondering about some things – some existential questions about myself and who I “am”. Gone are the days when my life was a pre-determined set of tasks set around the kids from dawn till dusk – their school, activities, getting certain things done around the house and yard. Gone are the days, even earlier, when I awoke, hopped on a train and marched off to work in a suit and avec briefcase (ugh – that’s funny to me now). Now is the time for me. Who? Who is Me?
Having your kids grow up and move along, as they are supposed to do, can be a jarring and unanticipated major-league let-down. It was fortunate that I enrolled in Pastry School soon after Ryan headed off to college. Otherwise I could be sitting in some Day Center for the mentally-descending somewhere – and I’ve already seen that scene and so, thank you God for giving me that little shove out the door!
Some days it is welcome when they return home for their little “visits”. Yet, I have come to learn that when they do come back, well, all hell breaks loose and your own agenda, however humble, goes flying out the window. However, after spending many moons trying to re-construct, or should I say, construct a life for myself, centered around something I REALLY wanted to do – with some sense of tangible purpose and one not fraught with lists of little tasks which at the end of the day have no meaning in the universe and with which one can fill up hours doing things that one doesn’t really want to do, I think about my little vocation, and try to focus on it. But, what is it, really?
A student always, is what I claimed when I wrote my little post about Deeda Blair on 6/18/13. Each and every day there is a multitude of issues to “drill down” on, as they apparently say these days in the business world.
Today, for example, I was reading the NYT article on the new Mayor of Rome (switching gears from France and René) and how he wants to eliminate private traffic on the Via dei Fori Imperiali around the Colusseum. Heavy sigh as I see myself standing there in the abundant sunshine in May – ugh. Did I know that when Mussolini built this road he deconstructed the pre-existing links between the Roman Forum and the imperial forums of Trajan, Augustus, Caesar and Nerva in pursuit of setting up a direct link from the Colusseum to his palace at Piazza Venezia? No. I realized in a moment how little I know of Roman history. I could spend eons studying just this. Trying to move on from the sinking feelings of homesickness for Rome, (and for Italy in general) which popped up yesterday when I was watching David Rocco cook in his Tuscan kitchen and visit Volpaia in Tuscany to learn all about the artisan vinegar production there, I pushed forward to consider my life here in the U.S., in my kitchen. Incidentally, the Rome Journal of the NYT is written by Elisabetta Povoledo and “Liz”, I’m coming after your job – fair warning. Ok, back on track here.
Here, by the way, is Gina DePalma’s guide to the sweets of Rome: http://sweets.seriouseats.com/2012/05/gina-depalmas-guide-to-rome-sweets-desserts.html
Anyway, it is days like today when my life’s interests may seem small and insignificant, intangible and vapor-like. This can be an incredibly dismal thought as I struggle along. Then my “bucket” list appears in front of my face. Just streaming (everything is about streaming now) through my photographs from the last year and a half since I started snapping a lot, gives me a sense of mounting impatience. All the places I want to go? (didn’t win Powerball yesterday – darn). All the books I want to read, all the art I want to learn about, all the history I want to know, all the recipes I want to make. And so, as I was placing my breakfast dishes into the sink a little while ago, it popped into my head, “I Bake, Therefore, I Am.” And so it is true. And, I turned to the oven for sustenance. (Plus, Christin’s having a friend for dinner.)
Here’s what came out of my oven today:
THE GINGER-PEACH POUND CAKE – adapted from Nick Malgieri’s Fresh Ginger Pound Cake
Nick’s cake is wonderful and I have made it many times. But, I didn’t have any fresh ginger in the house and I wanted to use my perfectly ripe peaches. So, I did some improvising…..
2 1/2 cups all purpose flour
2 tsp baking powder
1 generous tsp ground ginger (if yours is more than 6 mos old, toss it and get a new one)
zest of one large lemon
4 eggs, room temp
3 egg yolks, room temp
1/2 cup buttermilk, room temp
1/2 lb unsalted butter at room temp
2 cups sugar
1/2 cup crystalized ginger, chopped
2 very ripe peaches, peeled and diced, about 1 cup
1 tblsp peach brandy or schnappes, optional
Preheat oven to 325F. Generously butter and lightly flour a 10 cup bundt pan. Set aside.
In the bowl of electric mixer fitted with paddle attachment, mix butter to soften. Add sugar and blend until well incorporated and light. Add eggs and yolks and beat until light and fluffy.
In a separate bowl, whisk together, flour, ginger, baking powder and lemon zest.
In a measuring cup, combine vanilla, and milk and brandy/schnappes, if using.
Add dry ingredients to butter/sugar/egg batter alternately with milk/vanilla – starting with 1/3 dry, then 1/2 milk, 1/3 dry, 1/2 milk and last 1/3 dry. Mix on low speed only until dry ingredients just disappear. Remove bowl from mixer. Add crystalized ginger and blend with a rubber spatula. Add peaches and blend just until mixed in. Turn out into bundt pan and bake for 50-60 minutes or until tester comes out clean.
Cool in pan for 10 minutes and turn out onto a cooling rack. Cool completely. Serve with a dollop of créme fraîche, best homemade vanilla ice cream or whipped cream.
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What’s tangible about my days? Earnest effort to cook well, bake well, create and dream.
Today: research best cornmeal cakes with fruits, finish reading I Love NY, and the New Wine Country Cookbook, track down the August issue of LaCucina Italiana, read my new Saveur.
September: search for the best applesauce cake, make the butternut squash, goat cheese and hazelnut gratin from epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Butternut-Squash-Gratin-with-Goat-Cheese-and-Hazelnuts-240412
and, if evidence of “I am” can be constructed by way of listing all the things one desires:
Bucket-list Additions:
- every square inch of Italy and France; then onto Austria
- Mexican and Chinese Cooking, about which I know near nothing
- cooking school in France and Italy
- photography school
- job as Rome or Paris correspondent for NYT, CondeNast or (anyone?)
- year in Paris
- year in Rome
- year in Florence
- Summer in Provence
- Summer in Tuscany
- master’s in European History
- master’s in Classical Music
- visit to St. Petersburg
- read the classics
- visit all the great farmer’s markets of the world
Well, that’s enough for today. Sun tomorrow? Thank goodness it’s cooler – my brain is starting to work again.